


Broken Bones and Birthday Woes

by shit-escalates (Schm0use)



Category: Red Rising Trilogy - Pierce Brown
Genre: Gen, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4244715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schm0use/pseuds/shit-escalates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Fitchner must deal with forgotten birthdays, dangerous topiary excursions, and discovering where the line between truth and fabrication lies. ...Look, kids are difficult, okay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Bones and Birthday Woes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a friend's birthday! I realize that I've absolutely given in to the fact that I write Fitchner as Robert Downey Jr, at this point.

It is one in the afternoon and coincidentally, Fitchner is absolutely done for the day. He is too damn tired, but he still has three hours of fear and madness left to endure, so he sucks in a deep breath and gets down on one knee to look one of his charges in the eye.

“No.” He says slowly. “You can’t climb the tree again. And if I catch you trying, I swear I will leave you in timeout for the rest of the week, so help me.”

Six year old Victra juts her bottom lip out in the mightiest pout he has ever witnessed. Her right arm is in a cast and sling, battle wounds fresh from the day before. She is already 0 – 1 against the tree.

“ _Why?!”_ She bursts out.

“I don’t even understand how you’re asking me that question!” Fitchner pinches the bridge of his nose. “You fell out of it the first time and now you want to try again, with twenty-five percent fewer limbs?”

Victra wrinkles her nose. “I can’t do math that good yet.”

“Well.” Fitchner says reflexively. “You can’t do math that  _well_  yet.”

There is a period of silence while they stare at each other.

Victra bursts into tears. Fitchner panics internally.

“Hey, hey hey hey,” He says, suddenly acutely unsure of what to do with his hands. He ends up sort of waving them at her, which at least serves to get her attention. Victra wipes her eyes and nose on her sleeve. “What’s going on, kiddo? I don’t get this, I’m not good at this, you have to tell me what the problem is.” Victra never cried, not even after she shattered her arm the day before—leading to whatever situation they are in now.

“I just wanted to climb it!” Victra says, eyes still watering.

“You climbed it yesterday.” Fitchner tells her, in an attempt to be reassuring.

“I fell off.” She points out.

“True.” He says. “But you had to climb it in order to have something to fall off of.”

This seems to calm her down. But her expression is still sad as she says, “It was just for today. I promise.”

“What’s so special about today?” He asks.

Her eyes dart to his face, then back at the ground. “It’s my birthday.” She whispers.

He stares at her, stunned. “Well, shit.”

She gasps, and then starts giggling.

“I mean, shoot. Crap. Sorry.” He grimaces as she continues to laugh. A literal bubble of snot from her nose pops, and she blinks, and then grins at him proudly. “That is… disgusting.” He tosses her a nearby box of tissues, which she uses to wipe her face. “Don’t tell your mom I said a bad word.”

She shakes her head. “I never tell my mom anything. Antonia always does first.”

“Well, lucky for me she’s not here.” Fitchner says, glancing out the window. Victra’s younger sister parades around outside, giving orders to anyone who will listen. Antonia wears a different colored tutu to school every day. Today, its multi, rainbow colored—brighter than usual. Fitchner glances at Victra, who is also staring out into the playground.

Currently, Antonia is yelling up the aforementioned tree, and Fitchner realizes with a sinking feeling that she’s yelling  _at_ someone, or rather several someones, who have managed to get themselves up without any of the other teachers noticing. He spies Apollo and Venus flirting nearby on the swings—for the love of—

“Not good.” He says, leaping to his feet.

“What?” Victra asks.

“Come on!” Fitchner calls back to her as he sprints out of the classroom, opting to ignore the fact that he’s enlisting the help of a kindergartner.  

He tears across the playground, pointing accusingly at the two lunch duty teachers as he goes by. “IRRESPONSIBLE!” Apollo and Venus ignore him.

There is a tiny voice shouting out, “VIIIIICTRAAAAAA!” over and over. It’s one of the tree dwellers, Fitchner realizes as he reaches the foot of the tree, Victra trailing just behind.

“Tell them to come down!” Antonia shrieks at him as he stops to catch his breath, hands on his knees. Fitchner peers up into the branches. Four faces peer back down at him.

Two red-headed children appear to be the ringleaders of this motley crew. The boy’s face is as scarlet as his hair from bellowing Victra’s name across the yard. Next to him, the girl stands on the branch with one hand on her hip, glaring fiercely down at Antonia. A kid with spiky blonde hair swings by his knees from a branch, blowing raspberries at Antonia, while another boy reclines along one of the thicker stems with a picture book, looking quite serene.

Fitchner realizes he’s miscounted how many of them have climbed the tree as there is a tremendous rustling in the top branches. A tiny scrap of a boy pokes his head out from the leaves and, for seemingly no explicable reason, howls like a tiny wolf pup. He stops when he spots Fitchner.

“Hi, dad.” He waves.

Darrow, Eo, Tactus, Roque, and Sevro. Fitchner is somehow not surprised.

He spreads his arms. “Anyone care to explain?”

Antonia answers instantly. “I told them they couldn’t go up there and they said they were doing it anyway and they told me if I tried to tell you they were going to make your gross son stop me!”

Fitchner raises an eyebrow. “Is he their attack dog now?”

“Attack  _wolf!”_ Sevro shouts down, and howls again.

“Boyo, we’ve talked about this. Wolves can’t climb trees.” Fitchner asks.

“I’m a werewolf.”

Fitchner decides not to point out how little this does to change the situation.

“We didn’t even say any of that.” Eo calls.

“Yeah.” Darrow agrees. “We’re having a birthday party.”

“And you aren’t invited!” Sevro shouts to Antonia, with an added howl for emphasis.

Antonia stomps her foot. “Why  _not?!”_

“Because you’re  _stup—”_ Tactus starts to say, before Roque cuts him off with, 

“ _Rude_.”

“See, Tactus?” Antonia says, “Even your friends think you’re rude.”

“No.” Roque says, without looking up from  _Green Eggs and Ham_. He sagely turns another page, managing to look both wise and weary. “I was talking about you. You lied to everyone.” He levels her with a knowing gaze. “Lying is  _bad_.”

Antonia’s mouth falls open. Victra, on the other hand, peers out from behind Fitchner with wide eyes.

“Who is the birthday party for?” She asks.

“Oh, yeah!” Darrow says, laughing. “You, Victra!”

Victra points at herself. “Me?”

“Yeah!” He stretches his hand out to her. “Come on!”

As touching as the scene is, Fitchner realizes it is probably time for him to start being an actual adult. “Hang on.” He says. He jerks his thumb at Victra. “Remember yesterday? This one? Broken arm from doing exactly this?” He gestures at them all up the tree. “Time to come down now, kiddos.”

They all groan and complain. Fitchner cups his hands around his mouth. “ _Wee-ooo-wee-ooo_. The fun police have arrived. Please exit the tree with your hands where I can see them.” He hoists a defeated Darrow out of the tree by his armpits and is just setting him down on the ground when he hears Antonia say,

“You don’t have to be such a big baby because mom forgot your birthday again.”

Victra clenches her tiny fists, but says nothing. Darrow puts a hand on her shoulder, expression set into the kind of look only a five year old can achieve when they are about to throw down.

Fitchner performs an immediate spin to plop Darrow back in the tree. Darrow yelps. Antonia gasps.

“What are you  _doing?”_ She asks Fitchner, tugging on his pant leg.

“Change in plans.” He says. “Apollo!” He shouts. “Apollo, get your a—behind over here or I’m putting you in charge of nap time for the preschoolers for the next month!”

The kids stare at him, bewildered, as Apollo meanders over.

“What is it, Fitch?” The young man asks, sounding bored.

“I need you and Venus to get me every single blanket and pillow we have. Bring them here.”

Apollo looks at him like he is crazy, which may or may not be entirely unwarranted. Fitchner blows air through his nose and leans forward to whisper so the children can’t hear,

“Do you want to explain to a mob of angry parents how their children ended up with broken bones from playing Tarzan while you practiced pick up lines on Venus?” He glares at Apollo. “Pillows.  _Now_.”

“Alright, alright,” Apollo says, shaking his head as he takes off jogging towards the classrooms, signaling to Venus for help.

“Wow…” Tactus says, still dangling upside down. “I didn’t know they actually listened to you and stuff.”

Fitchner ignores him.

Within minutes, with Apollo and Venus’s reluctant assistance, he’s got a massive pillow perimeter underneath the tree. It’s comfortable, spongy, and best of all: fall proof. Even Sevro plummeting off the top branches would just bounce harmlessly.

“Victra,” Fitchner says, “Up you go.” He lifts her up and sets her next to Darrow and Eo, who clap excitedly.

“Me next!” Antonia demands.

“You can’t  _COME!”_ Sevro yells.

“Shut up, Sevro!” Antonia screams back.

Fitchner holds up a hand. “Antonia, can you climb the tree?”

Antonia crosses her arms. “Why should I?”

“Because that’s where the party is.” Fitchner nods up at the tree. “They all climbed it—if you want to go, you have to climb it too.”

“I’ll push her back off.” Tactus says bluntly. Fitchner points at him.

“That’s not allowed.”

Tactus boos him.

“You helped Victra up!” Antonia says.

“Yep.” Fitchner agrees. “Because she climbed it by herself yesterday.”

Antonia looks livid. Fitchner cocks his head to the side.

“Antonia, did you lie to the others?”

She freezes.

“Yeeees—” The kids in the tree chorus. Fitchner holds up a hand again.

“I didn’t ask you lot.” He says sternly. “I asked her. I would like to hear what was said for myself.”

Antonia stares at the ground. Fitchner says nothing, just waits. Finally, he hears her mumble,

“…wasn’t Victra’s birthday.”

“Didn’t catch that.” Fitchner tells her.

“I said it wasn’t Victra’s birthday.” Antonia says, rolling her eyes. “Jeez.”

Fitchner shakes his head, incredulous. “Why?”

“Because otherwise no one would pay attention to  _me!”_ Antonia says.

Fitchner sighs. From up in the tree, he hears a certain Dr. Seuss connoisseur repeat, “Rude!”

“ _Ugh_ , Roque, you’re  _dumb!”_ Antonia explodes.

“Okay, everyone needs to calm down.” Fitchner interjects. “Antonia. You can’t lie about people because you are jealous of them. That’s not how it works. You should apologize to your sister.”

“Sorry, I guess.” Antonia says to the ground. Fitchner allows it.

“I guarantee you that it will be your birthday one day, and we will all celebrate—” He says.

“No, we won’t.” Sevro and Tactus both say.

“— _but_ ,” He says over them, “Today is Victra’s birthday, and so we are celebrating that. And I’m sorry, dear, but your behavior has not earned you a spot in the party tree.”

“Fiiiine.” Antonia says.

“However, you can go inside and read a book with Apollo if you choose.”

“Okaaaay.”

Apollo is quite clearly fighting back laughter as he heads back inside with Antonia in tow. Fitchner, meanwhile, settles down with his back against the tree trunk.

“Well,” he calls up to the party goers, leaning back and closing his eyes. “Eat, drink, and be merry, or whatever.”

They cheer.

“Everybody sing for Victra!” Eo yells. “Haaaaappy birthday to you!”

“You belong in a zoo!” Tactus chimes in.

“Tactus, no!” Eo shouts.

“I’m gonna knock you out of the tree.” Victra threatens.

“Not allowed.” Fitchner calls. Everybody “awww”-s, except Tactus, who cackles. Fitchner smirks, eyes still closed.

Man, he really is terrible with kids.


End file.
